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When Numbers Lie

February 14th is a day when American’s celebrate love.  Valentine’s Day is a big money maker for Florists, Chocolatiers and Greeting Card companies.  We spend quite a bit expressing our feelings to that someone special in our lives.

Tomorrow the President will express some of his feelings for the American people, when he unveils his budget with the headline that it will cut the federal deficit by a little over a trillion dollars.  But before you get the least bit impressed, keep in mind these are Washington numbers, and by definition they are never real.

The use of the term “cut” is an interesting twist on the English language.  When you and I use the term cut, we mean that if we spend $5.00 on lunch today, but choose to only spend $3.00 tomorrow, that would represent a cut of $2.00.  Now, let’s convert that to Obama-speak: He spent $5.00 on lunch Monday, but was planning on spending $6.00 on lunch Tuesday, $7.00 on Wednesday, and so on and so forth.  Hearing the will of the people, the President has decided he’ll stick with $5.00 for lunch every day, so he’s cut the Presidential lunch deficit by $10.00 for the week.

Apparently the President thinks we are all idiots.  

If you were listening to the State of the Union address, and not comatose as I was, you heard Obama promise a five-year freeze in domestic spending. They claim the freeze will save $400 billion over the next 10 years.  No cut.  No reduction.  Just no growth.  Didn’t we demand cuts in November?

So now we’re being promised a total of $1.1 trillion in deficit reductions.  And you know what that means: slowing the growth of government.  Not shrinking the government.  Not eliminating wasteful government spending.  I guess he didn’t hear us quite clearly enough.  Guess it’ll have to wait till November 2012.

For those of you who are still willing to believe any of the crap streaming from the Whitehouse, take a look at this quote from the President’s weekly radio address: "After a decade of rising deficits, this budget asks Washington to live within its means, while at the same time investing in our future."  Translation: “After a decade of rising deficits, the majority of which came under my watch, I’ve decided we’ve hit the sweet spot and don’t need to spend any more.  Instead what we’ll do is concentrate on investing in programs that are likely to yield me the biggest campaign donations.”

Let’s look at some other “cuts.”

The President will suggest a two-year freeze on wages for civilian federal workers.  That would be the same group that with benefits earns an average of double the general public performing the same jobs.  Cut?  No.

The budget will include a proposal for cutting the Office of Fossil Energy by 45 percent, or $418 million.  Did you know we had an Office of Fossil Energy?  Do we have an Office of Hamster Reproduction?  How about getting rid of every non-essential government office?  And while we’re at it, how about an across the board 20% reduction in the budget for every federal department?

The Department of Defense will get a budget reduction of $78 billion.  Not that there isn’t plenty of fat in the DoD, but why would you focus on the Pentagon budget before gutting the useless Energy or Education departments?

No, Obama won’t slash the departments that produce little or no benefit to the public, because they are pets of the Liberals.  Obama will demonstrate that by proposing new spending in the Education department.  The President will suggest new early learning programs.  New spending.  You heard me right.  We’ll cut the budget at the defense department while creating new programs in the Education department.  Perhaps we can fall further down the list of best educated countries.  They’ve done so much for us in the last few decades.  If at first you don’t succeed, spend, spend, again.

It appears we are in dire need of some more Tea Party protests.  Obama seemed to be so respectful of the desires of the Egyptian people, perhaps a Tea Party protest on the streets surrounding the Whitehouse will be as well received.  I suggest a hookah summit on the shores of the Red Sea.  It’s probably going to be pretty lonely there for old Hosni.

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